Welp. Less than a week until my doctor's appointment. But I'm nervous that it will all be for nothing, that I don't have endo again *technically it never really goes away but it felt like it did! for a while at least*
I used to have 2-3 days of pain, before Joshua. Now its a day or less of major pain but its still PAIN! Compared to the first several months of TTC #2, when I had literally no pain. I feel like my uterus is trying to kill me.. again it used to be worse but I feel like it's just going to get worse. I spent a good portion of Thursday night bawling my eyes out. Depressed, pissed, and just BLAH! Thank goodness Ryan was bowling and didn't have to deal with my crazy self.
Several things worry me about this appointment. Worried about: is it dumb to think I have endo again (my instinct says no and that it is back with a vengence), is it dumb to come out and say would another surgery help or to even WANT to have another surgery? Is he just going to say I think its best you work with the RE now? So many doubts.. Or, should we just give up on having a second child due to all what happened last time medically, and the cost of potential fertility treatments is scary, so many unknowns and what ifs. Why why why?? Why do I feel like I'm going to be in tears in his office. again. :_(
I can't just be a normal person and express my concerns without crying. Many times my emotions get the best of me, and this is what happened last time too.. I am an emotional person, what can I say, but my ob is not a freakin counselor lol! He's great to talk to and he KNOWS endometriosis. Last time he did a pelvic/ rectal exam and that's what gave him the intuition that I did have endo as he felt the nodules of it. Is it weird to come out and say hey can you do that exam again?? Lol or maybe he will just do this thing without any prompting from me. Lol
I'm probably freaking out over nothing. But seriously Ryan wants to act fast if we want a 2nd kid because as he said "I'm not getting any younger!"
I used to have 2-3 days of pain, before Joshua. Now its a day or less of major pain but its still PAIN! Compared to the first several months of TTC #2, when I had literally no pain. I feel like my uterus is trying to kill me.. again it used to be worse but I feel like it's just going to get worse. I spent a good portion of Thursday night bawling my eyes out. Depressed, pissed, and just BLAH! Thank goodness Ryan was bowling and didn't have to deal with my crazy self.
Several things worry me about this appointment. Worried about: is it dumb to think I have endo again (my instinct says no and that it is back with a vengence), is it dumb to come out and say would another surgery help or to even WANT to have another surgery? Is he just going to say I think its best you work with the RE now? So many doubts.. Or, should we just give up on having a second child due to all what happened last time medically, and the cost of potential fertility treatments is scary, so many unknowns and what ifs. Why why why?? Why do I feel like I'm going to be in tears in his office. again. :_(
I can't just be a normal person and express my concerns without crying. Many times my emotions get the best of me, and this is what happened last time too.. I am an emotional person, what can I say, but my ob is not a freakin counselor lol! He's great to talk to and he KNOWS endometriosis. Last time he did a pelvic/ rectal exam and that's what gave him the intuition that I did have endo as he felt the nodules of it. Is it weird to come out and say hey can you do that exam again?? Lol or maybe he will just do this thing without any prompting from me. Lol
I'm probably freaking out over nothing. But seriously Ryan wants to act fast if we want a 2nd kid because as he said "I'm not getting any younger!"
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