The end of another cycle :(

Here we are at the end of cycle 10. Cramping has started, period should be here tomorrow 12/12. I have the day off so I plan to relax. I could keep Joshua home but part of me just wants a day to myself.  Is that wrong? It's becoming more and more apparent that we will not be able to conceive again. I could be wrong, of course. But considering what the fertility specialist said about getting to 6 months with no success, and it's now going on 10 months, we need to do something quick if we want another baby. Plus now that my pain has returned I think my endometriosis is back. However, I don't want to even think about IVF yet. That is a scary thought, we don't have the money and I'm not even sure yet what insurance will or will not cover. I was hoping we really wouldn't even get to this point. Going to see my OB on the 22nd and see what he says about this. Surgery? Or just go straight to RE? *ouch* there's another cramp. :(

I have felt on the verge of crying a lot lately but have yet to actually do so. There is just so much going on, either I am getting Joshua from daycare, or I am at work, or something else. I've just been sad by not getting pregnant and don't really know what to think about it.  Nothing's working with the timed intercourse, at least yet it hasn't. To top it off, I'm supposed to be ovulating again the week of Christmas. We will be at Ryan's mom's with a houseful of people. If my body decides to ovulate Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, there is a good chance nothing will happen "in the bedroom" as I think Ryan wants to be down in Ohio maybe even the night of December 23rd.  Ryan reminded me that we are almost at a year of trying and we probably aren't going to get pregnant anytime soon. This hurt but its kind of the truth. He used to be all positive about this process. Give it time he said. It will happen, he said. But now I think reality is sinking in for him too. And it sucks.

Meanwhile, I am just plugging along, working, running, and loving spending time with family. Joshua is getting big, and he loves to jump off the furniture most recently. That is his hobby along with watching trains (choo choos), planes and cars. He loves the dogs. He also loves daycare, and enjoys being with his friends. This is one of his friends, Owen. He is much taller and probably almost a year older than Joshua but they are great friends. Always causing trouble at daycare!





Here was our 2014 Christmas picture.

This was us at the zoo carousel this last weekend.  He is getting so big! He loved the ride so much he rode it twice :) 

As for running everything is going great and I signed up for the Ann Arbor half marathon March 29th. It is supposed to be really hilly. I want to do another half marathon when we go to North Carolina to visit my stepdad Mike. Ryan asked why the trip has to be about running. It's not really about running, it's just something that I like to do and I love running races in new places, do not get to do that very often. We are still working out the details and dates on it but I think it would a fun experience if that's what we decide to do. We would be driving down there. My stepdad moved to Oak Island, NC and conveniently there is a half marathon on the island in April, right after the tax deadline! :) I feel like it's calling my name! 

I even purchased more spin classes. We don't really have the $ but I was going stir crazy and I just love going to spinning. I was enjoying time off by doing workout videos at home but they offered a deal over Thanksgiving that I couldn't pass up. Ryan jokes and says that I just don't want to be home. That is not true. I just love to exercise and hopefully the money situation will work itself out somehow.