October 16th

I have cried on this day before. I'm surprised I have not cried today. OH wait, I know why. I have to work! October 16th is my mom's birthday and she would be 54. She passed away in 2008 and suffered for a long time with alcoholism. No it wasn't cancer or any horrible illness but she suffered while she lived with her fiance in South Carolina, away from her children but with the love of her life. But today I feel strong and I'm sure I will have a moment later when I am alone and am able to cry for her. I miss her, although we did not have a really close connection. I still miss her.

I was really hoping for a BFP today. It's 10DPO and I ovulated on my birthday. I have high hopes for this cycle but would have expected to see a little something on the test at 10DPO. But there was nothing!

It's also the day we signed on our first house back in 2008 that we still live in.

It's a meaningful day for sure, and would have been super cool if I got a BFP today of all days! But I have to tell myself to remain positive and it has to happen. Sometime, right? The unknown is the annoying part here. Why can't I be one of the many fertile mertiles that I know that can get pregnant at the drop of a hat.

I also have a friend that is pregnant but had her second beta drawn today and it wasn't too promising. I'm hoping things turn around for her. I wanted us to be pregnant together. I thought that would be awesome! It still might happen. BUT WHEN??!!