The anniversary of Mom's death..

...was yesterday, January 11 from the year 2008.  I meant to write a blog but didn't.  I guess I forgot. Well yesterday was pretty uneventful anyway, I was holding pretty strong and maybe it just didn't really "hit" me yesterday.  My stepdad called me and I forgot to call back, and I didn't feel like I needed to cry at all.

However today, the day after, was different.  Maybe it was hormones, but I just felt like I could not stop crying all day.  Unfortunately I have to be on the phone all day at work so I could not just let my emotions go (ie have a good cry) like I really wanted to. Sometimes that is all it takes and I feel so much better. But trying to talk to users on the verge of crying is not fun.  If it were during AF, and if I was dying of cramps I may have said F it and call in sick for the day. It didn't help that it was just a stressful day all around.

I don't know why but it still just feels so weird that she (Mom) is gone.  We were never really super duper close but I obviously miss her.  I miss her impatience (probably where I get my impatience from), I miss going shopping with her and her goofy self.

Unfortunately much of the later years I remember her drinking a lot, which led to her dying of alcoholism -> liver cirrhosis. It hit all of a sudden.  I was not there when it happened but it started when she collapsed in her apartment in Myrtle Beach, SC.  She was taken to the ER by ambulance. My sister and I headed down there during Christmas time to see her. It was so painful to see her in there. She was locked to the bed because apparently she tried to leave multiple times when she was there and was being mean to the nurses.  After some medications and blood transfusions, she was stable enough to be able to get up and try walking with the help of PT. She did walk from one end of the room to the other. Yay!  We thought she was going to come out of it at one point, and she would need to go to AA.  So, my sister and I took a flight back home.  However a week later we got a call that she only has a 50/50 shot of making it. This was because her liver and her kidneys started failing, and soon all of her organs would be gone. Back down to Myrtle Beach we went. That was when we learned she was not going to make it.  And had hospice care for the last few days at home, and passed at home like she wanted.  It was so surreal.  We (sister, me, stepdad, and her sister Jeanne) all watched it happen and it is forever en grained into my brain as to what happens when one dies. They had a Methodist pastor come to bless her, then the coroner took her away.

Yes, I remember every single detail. I miss her sooo much!