This turned out to be the biggest mistake ever because people just don't know what to say. I can understand that this makes people uncomfortable.
But I tried talking to friends about this, and have heard things that just shouldn't even be said.
-You should adopt. (do you have $30,000 for me to adopt?)
-You should go on vacation to relax. (because this will clear endometriosis and my short LP issues)
-Have you ever tried just not thinking about the temping/opk'ing etc? (I guess once you start you can't stop, but yes we have tried this)
-At least you haven't had a miscarriage. Be thankful for that. (because this is helpful)
-I have a friend that has been trying for seven years for their first kid. Be thankful you have one. (and you have two. Why didn't you stop after you had just one?)
One friend in particular has two kids. But in no way does she know what its like to try and try and try, and for it to not happen. She tried under 5-6 months for both kids. That's not really trying.
She did have a miscarriage and I hate that miscarriages are even a thing. For anyone. My heart seriously aches and cries for anyone who I know that has been or are through one, especially if they are closest to me. Even ladies on Babycenter, that I have yet to meet in person, I hate that they deal with this! I have a best friend that delivered two babies in the course of one year over the age of 20 weeks that died before delivery. They died inside of her due to a fatal heart defect both times. I cried for her and still wish I could be there for her even though she lives an hour away.
I have never said I was ungrateful for our little man Joshua. He's the light in our lives!
Infertility is a separate thing, in a way. We experienced it the first time from October 2010 to January 2012. Now we are experiencing it again since we started TTC a second in March of 2014, and the doctors even don't know what to say. Our infertility doctor thinks IVF will be the only way to conception. My OB is leaning toward unexplained infertility but I think I have endometriosis as well? Who knows.
I had a really hard time on Friday when a friend announced she was pregnant with their second kid. On Facebook. At 9 weeks.
A few weeks ago, another friend announced on HIS facebook, that "his sperm were still in working order" and his wife was 7 weeks pregnant with their second.
Tell me why again I am on Facebook?
Ryan told me the other day that he dreamt we were having a baby girl that was 8lbs 6oz. He has had other dreams of both me being pregnant and having a new baby. How much does this hurt especially after getting a BFN that same morning?
I found this wonderful article, that I wish I could post on my facebook without giving it away that we are trying for a second child. I also wish infertility wasn't so hush hush. Some people do know that we are trying but I don't know if posting this would be a good idea. So I'll put it here! ugh.
http://www.babble.com/pregnancy/8-things-to-stop-doing-while-supporting-your-friend-with-secondary-infertility/
My favorites are:
Stop Telling Her to be Grateful
It's insulting to be told that you should be grateful for the children you have when you're talking about secondary infertility. We don't need to be told to be grateful, we are and our pain over infertility has no bearing on our other kids.
Stop Comparing Her Path with Someone Else
Something I hate hearing is the comparisons over "who has it worse". Don't tell her she's lucky to have kids when someone else has been dealing with primary infertility. Don't tell her she's lucky that it's "only been a year and not two". It diminishes our path and emotions and it's not exactly supportive.
So there ya go. Secondary infertility is real and I wish people wouldn't belittle it to make it seem like it's not a big deal. Because that has been my experience. Sometimes, I just want someone to talk to, or cry to...not someone to try fixing our issue or offer "advice".
Thanks for reading!
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