Its been a year

Well, I can say that at the end of this month it's been one year of ttc #2. I feel like we are at a crossroads of "Well, what now?" I have another appointment with the RE in a couple of weeks since the doctor had a fever on the day of my last appointment. I went ahead and brought in Ryans sample and the results of him are ALL GOOD.

So now we definitely know the problem is me! Wahoo!

The endometriosis pain has returned, it's staying around this time. Although, my CD1 wasn't bad the WHOLE day. Basically CDs 1 and 2 were on and off pain. I went home from work on CD1 because I couldn't take life anymore. I couldn't concentrate. If you have ever had bad cramps you know what I am talking about! They are a depressing, all consuming type of pain and all I wanted was the couch.

That said, something in me later that day got me excited to run, maybe it was the anger from not getting pregnant AGAIN. I ran 8 miles! I felt unstoppable.  I am grateful for Joshua, of course. I don't want anyone to think I'm not grateful for him! omg he is literally the best! But there's always the question of when or if he will have a sibling, and meanwhile everyone else is turning up pregnant at random times.

I have a really hard time when someone I interact with or see often is pregnant. It takes a lot for me to get over that hump of accepting that they are pregnant. And I am not. This sucks. Infertility sucks and now I'm getting ready to enter the world of secondary infertility after already going through primary infertility.

I am going to discuss with the RE about possible injectible medications. The more I read about IUI for someone with endo, the more I realize its probably not going to work.

I almost want to beg for another surgery (please Dr. Mouro??!?!) but I can't guarantee that will help with pain or get me pregnant.  And he can't either.

The more we try and the more it doesn't happen, makes me want to sign up for that third marathon that has been on my bucket list for a while. I want to run another marathon. I want to run one this fall. But I am afraid to jump into the unknown of fertility treatments, what if we are pregnant, etc. I think I will talk to my RE about this at our appointment March 23. If he says go for it, I will.  The decision would come down to the one in Lansing on September 20 with friends, or the one in Grand Rapids on October 18, also with friends???